joey’s posterous

I always fall into a sad, depressed state.Start contemplating life and friends, and how I have accomplished so little in them. 

When I make a plan with people I stick to it. I never flake on anyone. If I say I will be there, I will, if not I will let people know. It seems like everyone else is on a different wavelength. If I don't show, its cause I'm not coming. And then I get left out. 

I have an issue about being left out. I'm pretty insecure about that. When people I consider my friends leave me out, I feel so alone. And that makes me sad. And emo. And suicidal. Only sometimes. Mostly is just more of a "whats the point of continuing to live" kind of feel. It feels like I write about this subject a hundred times. How do I break out of this cycle? Am I too attached to the idea of friendship? What do I do to toughen up and deal with this?

 Man I hate being like this.

Mmmm....so epic =D

Lets all play guys =D

Why are computer rooms so dirty? Is every computer full of dust and grime that everytime I step into one, I'm sneezing and crying my eyes out.

Is there something erotic about calculus? Cuz these ppl that sit in front of me are always making out during the lecture. Very distracting.

Dam you sisweb

Do pppl notice that they are intruding in on my workspace? This one girl was a lefty so she had her mouse next to mine. But does it have to be touching mine? Everytime she reaches for her mouse, it feels like she reaching out for my hand. Then there was this one guy. He had his mouse in my keyboard space. He literally stuck his hand under my left control key to move his mouse. The balls?

Speaking of space, do ppl have to sit with their legs so wide open? This one girl on the bus was sitting in one seat, but had her leg taking up half the other seat's legspace. -insert own speculations of why that is-

Yes Im stealing this

I'm the youngest of three. I have two older sisters. One that I don't get along with. Really don't get along with. She is obnoxicous and pigheaded. Everytime I see her, she always has to talk crap about me. She goes to my mom and tells her I can't do anything, know anything, and that she not teaching me right. I'm sorry but when did she become the expert in raising kids? Where does she get off for telling off her own mother what she does.

What she likes to do is this. Fight for things then talk down to people. For example, she will push my mom out of the kitchen and fight to cook. Then while she does that, she has to go off about how she does this and that, while I don't. Afterwards, at dinner, she goes this is my food. I made it. You need to thank me. 

Then there are times she say this. What are you doing? Why aren't you doing anything?  Get your butt in here. You need to do this. No dad, you're spoiling him. He's spoiled. I've been cooking since I was 13. He's in college and he doesn't know how to cook. Oh my god!

Ok bitch, first of all I know how to cook my own food in college. Granted its all stir-fried, but it makes me a hot meal everyday. Second of all, you don't want me to cook. You just want me to wash lettuce and fold spring rolls. Easy crap. Yet you have to get up high on your horse like you are far more superior than me because you do can wash and fold. (Then do my laundry!)

I am not her and don't live her life. Why the hell does she keep comparing herslef to me. Does she want my approval? Does she want me to tell her she is better or soemthing. She has a job, she can cook. Great for her. Why the hell can't she a bit humble about it. Instead she has to make comparisions (which are bs) to me to try to satisy her own ego. It's not like a sisterly love thing she is trying. She doens't give me "want me to be better" advice. It's "I'm better than you, I'm doing everything right and you can't" banter she throws at me. Please. I never tell her how to live her life. She does crap that I think is stupid and I never say a word to her about it. She lives her life and I'm not going to try to regulate it. Either I'm insane or she just doesn't get it.

I've been putting up with this crap for years now. So its not just a misunderstanding like a first-time impression. She likes to put on a different persona with other people, but to her own family she transforms into a witch. This is the first time I'm gonna say this, because she really is pushing me over the edge. I don't want to recognize her as my sister. I don't want to be anything related to her. If I never see or hear from her ever again, I'd be fine. No, happy. Maybe then, she will stop tryin to impose her own beliefs, her own views on what I am as a person.

This just in

My sister left the house without tellin anyone and didn't pick up her phone. She says its because she was afraid she couldnt go out if she did. Once again this is the person who calls herself the grown up and mature one.

Well, I'm doing well in microeconmics, thats all I'm going to say about that.

Didn't join the badminton club this quarter. Don't know if I ever will. Been playing at the Arc. The competition isn't that high. Probably cuz they are all at the club.

I miss hanging out with the fellas. Now that they live so far away, I can't just drop by unannounced and sit in their chair while they do their thang. Even if I'm not involved, at least I feel like I'm part of something. Like bonding.  No more In N Out runs in the dead of night. No more wonton nights. No more halo parties. No more frisbee, no more ballin, no more.... :'(

Food's been alright. If its not noodles. then its rice. I eat way too much rice now. Its making me fat. I can eat like a cup and a half of rice in one sitting. I guess theres not enough entrees to keep me happy. I only got a few vegtables and meats to make.

I need to work out more. Don't wanna get fat again.

BIS2A is currently review. Ting Guo can't teach Chem as usual. I can't understand a word of C programming. The only class I find remotely interesting is ECN, mostly because the professor is cool. For now... 

The buses are unreliable. They run late, or not at all.

It's still hot. Friggin hot. Can't carry my backpack unless I want 2 lines of sweat down my front and a drenched back. My electric fan is my best friend.

I think I'm gonna join the badminton club. $80 for the year.

Job hunting isn't easy. Quickly's hasn't replied. I applied for a job that turned out to be work study only. The only option left is dining commons or taco bell.

Cooking is fun. But not when I've got no variety to work with. Need more vegatables. And fruits. And meat.

Haven't worked out much. Maybe once a week. Feel like I should do more. I want to rock climb. Kevin, go get it.

You know how dreams fade? Well here's mine before I forget.

I was in a museum. It was a historical European museum that had suits of armors and paintings in it. But inside was a gift shop selling clothes and my mom bought a snoopy or something gift card. Oh and a slab of meat. I had met up with some friends from America, but the thing is, we were in Taiwan. My mom said we were going to Ken Ding the last 2 days we were in Taiwan but we wouldnt be staying anywhere. So we'd be bums.

There was a fire somewher i the museum and everyone had to evacuate. We ran out and we were entirely surrounded by water. Then suddenly a bridge rises out of the water. We go across, but there is a gap between the bridges midway. The bridge on the othere side is getting farther away, and I felt like the bridge we were on was falling apart, so I dove into the water and swam after the bridge. I get to the other side, only to find the 2 brdiges merge and everyone was able to run across.

We get to land. It was covered in snow. There is some goddess figure there. (It might have been a video game character) She is happy to see us. But then, military guys in tanks and trucks shows up and takes over. Somone in the crowd is the deaughter of the head honcho, and she hits him around a bit. Then they activate something they said shuold never be activated. Somone transparent and shiny numbers on the ground shows up. They are stacked up upon each other. We stood on them, and we went around the world in 8 seconds. I went around like 3 times. One guy did an experiment. He lost an item to outer space when he threw somthing out during the ride. Don't remember what happens next. It sure was one of the more interesting dreams I had in a long time.

So someone told me they would call me and we will head to the movies. So I waited....and waited.....and waited. Nothing. In the end, I asked and the person told me I should've called. Really?

I am a punctual person. I am more often early, than on time. I don't like to wait for people but I hate making people wait even more.

So often, when someone says they will be on time, I expect them to be on time. If someone says they will be at my house by 3, I'm ready to go by 2:50. When it's 3:10, I get anxious. Do I call or do I wait? I don't want to be somone always hounding someone.

"Hey are you here yet?  When will you get here?"

Being punctual is something I've been conditioned to be since pre-school. Be on time. It's not that hard.

And if you're going to flake on someone, at least call, inconsiderate *#$%@+!

Well another year gone. Funny. I don't feel one bit older. Or more accurately, I don't want to be older. I'm not with of them youngin's no more.

Maybe it's because I'm not carrying more responsibilities as I grow. Life is pretty much the same for me these past few years. Progressing? Maybe. Little by little.

So I went to Sunnyvale with my family to eat some Korean Barbecue. My Dad got lost so we were driving for over an hour. Food was good. Cute girls there so that was a plus :). Then we hit the Walgreens so my mom could look for stuff. Then to the bank. Then home. I sorta snoozed a bit. Dinner was a steak. That was good. I then went to Suju's to hang out for a bit with people. Then came home for cake. Sogo's. Mocha flavor. It was good.

All in all, my birthday wasn't very memorable. Then again.....I haven't had a memorable one in so long, I don't think any of them were. I recieved a lot more birthday wishes this year( thanks to the power of facebook), except a few from some people who I would've cared for. Like last year, no one offered to do something for my birthday. But this year, I kept emo me in check(maybe I'm growing up!). It is still a goal for me, that one day, I will become a person who people will care for enough to think of me on my birthday. I wished for it last year and I wished for it again today. I hope it comes true.